So anyone who has had issues with fertility and shared those issues with people who have not experienced fertility challenges knows you have to be braced for a whole myriad of questions or advice that are often unsolicited, uninformed or insensitive or all of the above. One of my favorites is "Do you regret having put off having children for so long?" First of all I'm 34, Marty's 33 and we started seeking pregnancy when I was 33, he 32. Does that sound like putting off a family in 2011?...I guess I thought we were right in the middle of the norm. Second, I didn't know we were "putting anything off?" We were getting an education, traveling the world, starting careers, buying a house, getting married, hanging out with our friends. We weren't putting off children, we were busy living our life!
As for the word regret. I have strong feelings about that word. I certainly have done things and had remorse or felt sorry for having done them, but regret, nope. I believe the choices we make in life, the good ones and the bad ones, all have a place in making us who we are. I mean even when I look at some of the dumbest choices of my younger years I can see where they have formed my life today. Take the years where I was a smoker, for example, most definitely a dumb choice, but I can start a list of the people that I know today because I met them outside of Haas Fine Arts Center or Schneider Hall at UW-Eau Claire on repeated occasions because they, too, made the same rotten choice. I may no longer be a smoker and I may have outgrown that choice (along with most of the friends I'm thinking of), but many of those people are still my closest friends and I will never regret having made a choice, good or bad that brought them into my life.
Now regret, in connection with fertility, No Way! I'm so very ready to be a parent today and, when that happens, I'll be overcome by emotions I can't even begin to imagine, but I would never give up the life I've lived to have started the journey sooner. I will be a totally different parent today than I would have been in my 20s and I think that makes up for any extra work we have to do to get there. Not to mention, that there's no guarantees that my youth would have made getting pregnant any easier. I have endometriosis and I had all the signs of that in high school, too (that's another story for another time). Pregnancy was bound to be a challenge, regardless of age, so becoming parents when we're ready, on our terms is exactly as it is supposed to be. When I look at the relationship I have with Marty, and how it has grown in the year and a half since we were driving down the road and he mentioned that it was time to have kids, I can't imagine this road having been any easier. We are Team Kokes working towards a common goal in a way we've never been before, there is no question that all we've been through will make us stronger parents in whatever way that comes to us.
So to answer the question, "Do you regret putting off having children for so long?" Absolutely not! Not for one second!
My fave post from you yet, I LOVE it! Your honesty and openess about all of this Ariane is a thing to be admired. I feel a lot like you in many ways when people keep asking us those very same questions I know that things happen in life at just the right time and in just the right order for each of us. People are placed in our lives for reasons and choices are given to us to learn. Keep focusing on the NOW so that the past is treasured for all that you have been able to accomplish, see and do because a family was suppose to grow for you and Marty in a perfect timing. Go Team Kokes, we're all here cheering for you!
ReplyDeleteAll